


Half of a Heart

by cosmiceverafter



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Abduction, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief Violence, Established Relationship, Gun Violence, Immortal Husbands, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mention of Death, Mention of torture, Nicky is kidnapped, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, References to Depression, Soulmates, Team as Family, Teamwork, Temporary Character Death, Trauma, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:34:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25530670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmiceverafter/pseuds/cosmiceverafter
Summary: The unimaginable has happened. After the abduction of Nicky, Joe will search every inch of the earth until he finds him, burning the world down as he goes along.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache & Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Joe | Yusuf al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Nile Freeman & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani
Comments: 58
Kudos: 645





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This concept came into my mind one day and wouldn’t leave it. Writing this was a must for me! I usually write fluff and romance, so this was a change. However, I’m so proud of how it turned out, and my love has only grown for these two. 
> 
> It felt right to put this fic into two chapters. It'll be updated soon!
> 
> I sincerely hope you enjoy it.
> 
> ps: I want to give Joe a big hug!

Memories were a keepsake of imprints left upon your heart, the moments not forgotten.

Joe remembered a particularly beautiful afternoon with his love, Nicky. The year was 1967, and the two of them were in California. It was a sunny day, and life at the beach was enough to warm you from your head to your toes.

They enjoyed the waves crashing, the children laughing as they threw a frisbee, and more than anything, each other’s company.

“Our next wedding, I’d like to get married here. On this beach, I think.”

Joe had looked at Nicky with a smile, “Whatever you want, _habib albi._ ” He laughed then, “Even though sand sticks everywhere—something we know to be true from experience.”

Nicky’s smile still took Joe’s breath away, “I don’t recall any complaining at the time.”

Joe’s fingers traced Nicky’s bare chest softly, desire flickering at the surface the way it always did. “Only afterward when we were washing each other off.”

 _“Ah, yes,”_ Nicky smirked. “I remember it was apparent that it would be buried deep inside your beard until the end of time.”

“I had to trim my beard that day. I’ll never forgive the sand for that.” He leaned in to kiss Nicky on the cheek.

 _“When at the beach._..but, _amore mio,_ I promise you that you won’t be getting sand in unwelcoming areas this time around,” Nicky vowed, crossing his heart. “And afterward will be nothing but memorable in the most positive manner.”

“It always is with you, Nicolo.”

Their foreheads briefly touched, and their lips found their way home.

They had had their California wedding two weeks later. And the memories were just as sweet as Nicky had described.

This image was what Joe had seen as he sat numb to the rest of the world. Andy was screaming his name, Booker was shaking him, and Nile’s face was stricken with shock.

Nicky’s soft skin haunted Joe’s fingertips now. _All was lost._  
  
His Nicky had been taken from him.

The world would never know peace again.

*******

“What do you mean you’re leaving us?”

Sitting down with a heavy sigh, Joe looked towards his boss. “Just what I said. I’m leaving.”

“And where on earth are you planning on running off, too?”

“To find him, of course. So _anywhere_ and _everywhere_.”

“Joe, we’ve been over this, many times. We haven’t and will not stop looking for Nicky. He’s not gone, not forever,” Andy replied as she touched a steady hand on his back to show him comfort.

_He felt nothing._

After a millennium, he truly felt what it was to be dead. _Death had won._ Joe’s greatest fear had come to life.

Their mission was to go in and get out— _make it brief._ The ambush came out of nowhere. The crazy terrorists wanted a piece of them, even if they could only have _one_ , and that _one_ had been his Nicolo. The last thing Joe saw was Nicky being captured by the thugs as he reached out towards Joe, screaming for him. This horrific image was bound to stick for the next century inside of his cursed brain.

When Joe had woken up, he had searched the room. But in his heart, he had known—Nicky was nowhere. Andy had bent down to him, putting a soft hand on his back as she was now attempting to be an anchor for him. However, the expression she had worn had said it all.

Being separated hadn’t happened in over a century. The last time was in London many years ago. It had been a mistake on their end, a stupid move in which they had paid the price. Luckily, they had found each other shortly after with a vow to be more careful in the future. They wouldn’t be making the same mistakes twice.

_Too bad history repeated itself with a vengeance._

Death didn’t scare them; captivity did, and this time was different. It had been five months of _nothing._ No leads. No breadcrumbs. No murmurs in a darkened alley. _Nothing._ They had searched everywhere—high, low, and in-between. At this point in their journey, the team had then demanded that Joe start taking care of himself again, that he needed to keep his strength up for Nicky’s sake.

But the food was tasteless, nightmares consumed his sleep, and surprisingly enough, he hadn’t even cried—he was numb throughout his entire body. Joe could recall a stupid moment when he had put his hand into the fireplace in the second month. It scared him when he didn’t feel the pain he should; instead, he enjoyed it. It made him feel alive again. His boss had scolded him deeply for that move.

It must’ve been the shock, but whatever the name for it was, he was nothing but the walking dead. A zombie from a stupid horror movie he wouldn’t go pay to see.

So this was what it meant to have your heart split in two; he now had half a heart, and the one-piece left beating within his chest was shattered beyond repair.

He knew the team meant well, but he wanted to do _his_ search—never sleeping and doing things the others would never approve of doing. He would create hell on earth. Joe wanted to take the captors apart, piece by piece, and torment them as he could only guess tormenting Nicky. The others didn’t have the stomach for what he wanted to do. Andy maybe, but she was mortal now. He cared for his family, but it still wasn’t enough.

_Nicky was his reason, all of them._

“We made a pack,” Andy explained, breaking him out of his thoughts. “To _never_ separate again.”

“It never works out well, brother,” Booker replied in the background. “Take it from me.”

“Don’t start, Book,” Andy warned with a glare. “You weren’t even gone that long.”

Booker just shrugged and held up his hands, “I’m not saying a word. I just think we’ll always be stronger together. That’s all.”

“We care about Nicky, too, Joe,” Nile’s comforting voice said through the arguing. She knelt by his side. “We will find him.”

He couldn’t take their kindness; there was no need for it on his mission. And he certainly wouldn’t deal with their pity—it was a waste of time.

_Joe was over it._

“These are just words!” Joe yelled out, standing up suddenly. _“I…_ I can’t keep searching this way. I _need_ him.”

“So do we,” Andy replied, waving to the rest of them as if it were obvious. Yet they’d never fully understand.

“Not like I do,” he exhaled, closing his eyes in agony.

*******

**Three weeks later**

Joe’s body was aching, yet he could feel it healing. He despised that nagging revelation. Hell, he hated his existence at this point. After living for a millennium, he had seen things one would pray never to see in his attempt of a search, and still, he was unable to find his other half. Being haunted felt like this; not a spirit walking around in the shadows.

As he sat against a stone wall in a location he wasn’t entirely sure of, he realized Booker had been right all along. _That son of a bitch._ No wonder he had betrayed them all to find a release from this hell on earth. The clarity of it all made him want to scream with affliction.

At the time, he couldn’t even fathom forgiving his once brother and best friend, but now he wanted to cry in his arms and say, _“I understand you now, my brother. I understand it all.”_

But he had not cried in six months. He wouldn’t allow it even if the tears came. Joe knew Nicky wasn’t off crying, so he certainly wasn’t going too. Besides, he knew if he started now, he’d never stop. And Joe wasn’t prepared to give up. He would _never_ give up.

The situation would not be like what happened to Quynh. Yet, she was back and decided to leave the group once again to find herself, not that he blamed her. Five hundred years in a coffin, drowning over-and-over again would do that to a person. It had still caused the group, especially Andy, pain.

So he was a lot like Quynh now. _Alone._ The pain seemed to define their kind.

Joe had stuck with the team for a few more weeks, but after it seemed like they had started to give up—he had made a choice. He had left in the night, without so much as a word. But Joe knew Nicky would scold him for not leaving a note at least. So he did it for his sake. The letter had stated:  
  
_“I hope you can someday understand._  
I won’t breathe again until he’s in my arms.  
Be well.”

Coming back to the present torturous moment, he wiped the blood off his forehead, realizing it wasn’t nearly enough. _He needed more._ Joe was going to take down all of those bastards, one by one, if required. He would get his answers and wouldn’t stop until he could again look into his lover’s beautiful eyes.

*******

Several more days went by running around in circles, and Joe felt utterly drained. He looked in the mirror at a hotel in Paris and realized he looked like a corpse. The corpse Joe now believed himself to be. He was transforming daily, to the point he didn’t see himself in those eyes anymore. Starving himself was one thing, even unintentionally, but now he was cursing himself silently.

How was he to find his one-and-only if he could barely serve a punch? He was foolish. But Nicky had always been his voice of reason on his shoulder. The wise one, who was now— _No._ He was _not gone_.

Swearing at himself once more, he ordered room service and sat on the sofa. Joe wanted to think of anything but the pain he felt inside.

However, his thoughts always drifted back to Nicky, and he remembered another time he had been in Paris with his love. They had done a mission, and afterward, they’d stayed in this same hotel making love for three days straight, feeding each other delicious delicacies. Nicky had tried new moves and tasted Joe in ways that made his eyes want to roll back from the memory as he gripped the side of the couch. His man always knew how to make him feel good and wouldn’t stop until he knew Joe was well satisfied. _Who wouldn’t love a man like that?_

After sharing millennia with another, you learned their body better than your own. Joe had memorized every detail of that beautiful form.

Joe remembered when the sun had risen the next morning, and Nicky had still been sleeping, he had marveled in the beauty of this man before him. The way the sun shimmered upon his features so flawlessly. The curves of his body and those lean muscles were magnificent as they bent around the pillow Nicky was embracing. Joe had marveled over his beauty before, many times, but the peace on that marvelous face took his breath away, leaving hope in its place.

That hope was long gone. Misery was his only company now.

As he ate, the tasteless food, he prayed these happy memories would dissipate, but he knew that was utterly impossible. When you spend years upon years with another, it was difficult to remember where they ended, and you began. They were linked and intertwined so profoundly; nothing would rip the roots from the source.

In the background, he heard his phone ringing and let it go to voicemail. He figured it was them; they had tried to get a hold of him for weeks now. Guess he was an asshole after all.

When it kept ringing, he swore loudly and finally got up. Answering his phone, he snarled, _“What do you want!?”_

Andy’s voice came through the other line as clear as the night sky with an amicable resolution as she said, “We found his location, Joe. Let’s bring our Nicky home.”

*******

There were certain moments you couldn’t forget, even after 1,000 years.

Currently, walking into the unknown was one of those moments.

As they went into the now-abandoned warehouse in a small town in France, Joe’s senses heightened. He was aware of everything; every breath, every footstep, every heartbeat.

He didn’t know what they would find, but if Nicky wasn’t there or if his time was done, which was a thought Joe couldn’t let himself think about for long, then he would lose it completely. There would be no going back from that loss. Playing with hope was a dangerous game.

“I know what you’re thinking, and just _don’t—_ for your sanity and ours,” Andy muttered to him quietly as she held her gun up. “I need that mind of yours focused.”

 _Shit,_ he truly admired his boss. She was not only a badass, but she was level-headed and wise from all her years. But sometimes it annoyed the hell out of him that she could read him so easily. Nicky had always said he was an open book; guess he had been right.

Joe gave the nod and followed her lead. She was determined to come on this mission to find Nicky, even though she was no longer immortal. He loved her for that and would protect her the best he could, though Andy didn’t need _his_ protection. She’s the one that always had their backs and still would. He didn’t want to feel the guilt from abandoning them all when _they_ had been the ones to find Nicky, but he couldn’t help it. He thought it anyway.

But the boss was right, focus now, dwell later.

They took the first set of guards out quickly, with a bang here, and a swipe of the sword there. The next batch, not so much. He took a bullet into his chest and shoulder. Falling to the ground, Booker helped him up, only to get one in the head.

“Dammit to hell,” Joe groaned as the two bullets in his body fell to the ground. _“Booker?”_

Andy and Nile were already working the second batch, while he stuck with Booker. His old friend’s eyes fluttered open after a moment, and he swore harshly. Booker was like him in more ways than one.

“Welcome back, asshole.”

 _“Yeah, yeah,”_ Booker muttered as he pushed himself up, ignoring the hand Joe was offering him. Things were still a bit tense between the two of them, but there were more significant matters to deal with for the time being.

That was the last of the guards. Whomever this clan was, didn’t know who _they_ were; this was child’s play. The big bad would be sitting in a crisp white office waiting to strike. Joe knew deep within the grapevine.

Finally, they saw a room with a large metal door. The team blew the doorknob off quickly and slowly made it inside, with Joe leading the way. He _had_ to know.

_And there he was._

_His other half_ —hooked to machines, wires, and tubes.

Nicky’s hair had grown to his chin, and his face covered with heavy scruff.

_He still looked just as beautiful as ever._

Even though Joe felt a wave of emotion and relief fill his body, he pressed on, making his move. There would be time later to let everything out. Joe rushed over to Nicky, and his heart was pounding in his chest so rapidly that he thought he was going to collapse before he got there, _“Amore mio,_ we’re here! _Sono qui con te.”_

But something was wrong.

_Seriously wrong._

For his love didn’t acknowledge he was in the room, any of them for that matter. His eyes were open, but he just stared at the ceiling. Whenever they had woken up from death, they had searched for one another...and in those moments of finding each other, relief was always an expression upon their face. But now that expression never came.

Joe looked over to Andy. He needed comfort and reassurance as a child needs from their parents, “What’s wrong with him?” Joe wanted to feel relief in finding his Nicolo, but alas, the worry and anxiety grew deeper.

_He felt like he was going to throw up._

Andy looked at the computer screens and the wires. She shook her head, “I don’t know.”

Nile walked to the other side of Nicky and looked directly into his eyes, “Nicky, it’s us! Are you okay? We’re here, and we’re going to get you out of here.”

_No response._

He felt Booker suddenly grab onto his arm, which Joe didn’t understand until he realized he was falling over.

 _“Fuck,”_ Booker groaned as he gripped tightly onto Joe. “Those bastards must’ve injected him with something. Over and over again… it’s the only explanation.”

“But why isn’t his body healing?” Nile asked with concern etched all over her face.

“Again, I just don’t know,” Andy responded, wiping the sweat from her forehead. She looked at Joe with a look of panic. That’s when shit became _too_ real for him.

As Joe lost the sense of time watching the greenish liquid injected into Nicky’s arm, he no longer could see anything but red. Those assholes would pay with their lives for this. He would have revenge and blood for anyone daring to assume they could touch his other half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:
> 
> Italian:  
> Sono qui con te = I am here with you  
> Sei una parte di me = you’re a part of me  
> Amore mio = my love  
> Non mi lasciare = don’t leave me  
> Sei bellissimo = you are beautiful  
> Per favore = please  
> Ho promesso= I promised  
> Sei la mia luce= you're my light  
> Baciami= kiss me
> 
> Arabic:  
> Habib albi = my sweetheart  
> Habibi = my love
> 
> ***
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter, kudos and comments are always appreciated! Thank you so much!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Joe helps Nicky find his way back home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to share chapter 2, the ending of this story, with you. Something to note beforehand, I love the idea of them calling each other by their old names, new names, and sweet pet names involving Italian and Arabic. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with Joe (and Nicky) on this journey. It's not easy to go through something like this with your soulmate. Just remember as you read, my angst always includes happiness. There's your happy thought. 
> 
> Translations are at the end!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

The car ride back to the house they were renting was an eerily quiet one. Joe was in back with Nicky and didn’t let go of his hand. He had to carry his love out of there. Booker and Andy had to help get all the tubes out because that was right around the time Joe had started puking in the corner of the room; Nile had rubbed his back the whole time. He had hated the effect it had on him, but he couldn’t have helped it even if he had tried—this was _Nicky_.

Deep down, he had hoped that once they unhooked him from the machines, Nicky would somehow snap out of it. But that wasn’t what was happening. _It was far worse._ He seemed more coherent but even more distant. His Nicolo looked far away from the rest of the world—from _him._

 _“Nicolo?”_ Joe whispered as he rubbed Nicky’s arm gently, “You’re safe. I have you with me now, and I won’t let you go. _Never again.”_ When Nicky didn’t respond and continued looking out the window, Joe suddenly had the fear that Nicky didn’t recognize him. _“Non mi lasciare.”_

The pain of that blow made him raggedly suck air into his chest that felt like a pile of nails scraping against his lungs.

_Where was his Nicky? And why couldn’t he find him?_

When they got to the house, the others left them alone, but not before Andy had pulled him to the side. “Listen, Joe. I know this is unbelievably difficult. We all feel it, too. That’s our Nicky, and he went through something we might never understand. Just remember to give him time and don’t push him too much, okay?”

“You’re right, of course.”

She pulled Joe into her arms, and he exhaled the breath he had been holding in for months. “He’ll be okay. We’ve all been through so much; I have faith Nicky will get through this, too.”

He nodded yet felt unsure, “I hope so. I can’t stand the idea of him being in that much fucking pain and not being able to help.”

“Just being with you will help him to feel whole again. I mean, you’re Joe and Nicky for God’s sake. You define what it means to love another human being. You’re the inspiration for us all,” Andy exclaimed with a genuine smile. She touched his cheek lightly, “You’ll find your way back to each other again, even if it takes a bit of time. You all have time after all.” A painful reminder time was _not_ on her side. “Go slowly…healing takes the time it needs.” As she started to walk away, she looked back at him to share a final word, “You’re not alone, Joe. We are here for you, _you both,_ every step of the way. We’re a family, and we love you.”

And then she left him with his thoughts. He would take her advice, of course, but he also had to find out where his Nicky was.

_One way or another._

*******

It was on the second day back that Nicky finally spoke. The words, of course, were, _“Thank you”_ as Nile brought him his breakfast. His man was always so good, with a heart defined as kindness.

 _They all froze._ Nicky, as slow as a rusty robot, started to eat without another word.

Joe felt like he was losing his damn mind. On the one hand, he was so unbelievably happy to be reunited with Nicky. However, at the same time, he was miserable that something was off, and Nicky wasn’t there.

Sometimes he would look helplessly at Andy. She didn’t give him a look of pity but a glimpse of understanding that went so deep that they were more connected than they had been in years. Andy felt this pain with Quynh and was still feeling it now while Quynh wanted to heal alone for a time. The unknown of someone they cared so deeply about was a familiar shadow.

After a week went by, Nicky was slowly warming up to everyone, but he seemed like a stone wall towards Joe. Nicky wasn’t one to hold onto anger and forgave whenever he had the chance. For example, Nicky had caved with the Booker ordeal after the first few days, as did Nile, so Joe knew Nicky wasn’t upset with them for getting separated. However, he wasn’t letting Joe in.

Even when they slept, he remembered the first night when Nicky had flinched from his touch; nothing had hurt more in his lifetime. They had slept that way for a millennium, and now Nicky was pulling away in disgust from that embrace.

_It killed him._

Joe tried to respect his space, as Andy had advised, so he chose to sleep on the couch of their bedroom temporarily. It was a living hell to be that close to his love and not touch him. Joe could’ve cried all night long, but for some reason, he didn’t.

One evening when Joe woke up in the late hours of the night from a nightmare, and no sleep whatsoever, he noticed that Nicky wasn’t in bed.

He sat upright with panic, looking around the room and finally towards their balcony.

Nicky was sitting in a chair, only wearing his pajama bottoms even though there was a brisk wind.

Joe slowly made his way outside. He could hear an intoxicated couple laughing in the street below, and his heart constricted from the pain, a familiar yet unwelcoming emotion. It was enough that he took the risk of lightly touching Nicky’s broad shoulder to which his love froze. _“Sorry…_ I just noticed you weren’t sleeping, and I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

The distance between them was a dagger twisting slowly and steadily within his heart. Physically they were close. Mentally they were planets apart. Joe couldn’t even recognize them; he wanted to scream. Instead, he balled his hands into fists.

It hurt with every breath he took. He didn’t know much more of this he could handle.

Joe sat quietly into the chair next to Nicky and just stared at him. He looked healthy, but there was a dullness to his once glowing skin and bright eyes that ran below the surface. “Nicolo? _Please…_ I beg of you, my love, _speak to me._ ” Joe was aware his words were full of emotion _, and yet,_ he didn’t care. He was ready to beg on his hands and knees at this point.

Nicky looked out in the distance, his eyes wide open. _“You were dead.”_

Joe latched onto the words, even though there was no reasoning behind them. _“Dead?_ No, _amore mio,_ I’m right here,” though a part of him _did_ feel completely dead inside.

Nicky, for the first time in days, turned to look at him. “No, you were dead, Yusuf. And _I…_ I was in hell. A purgatory of punishment for being an abomination, I suppose.”

_It was worse than he had thought. Had they brainwashed him?_

“I do not understand, Nicolo.”

Anger flashed onto Nicky’s face, and the emotion startled Joe. Nicky was never one to lose his temper quickly, “They showed you to me! You were dead. They told me you had died during the fight. When I laughed, _yes,_ laughed from the ignorance of it all, they handed me a photo. It was of you, _dead on the ground.”_ There was a momentary silence. “The fear bubbled inside, but I pushed it away, knowing it was not your time. It couldn’t be.” Frowning, he rubbed a hand through his long hair. “So I dismissed the photo at their expense. I wasn’t going to fall for their tricks to break me. But then they did the unimaginable, Joe. _They…”_ Nicky’s voice was full of emotion, and his words started to break as his hand fell to his side, “wheeled you in on a silver table.”

His love closed his eyes from what Joe assumed was the most painful memory Nicky had ever been through, but still, he listened. _“I…_ I couldn’t believe it. I begged them to let me over to you. But they wouldn’t. The slash on your neck was so deep, not healing. And I knew they had been right all along. I have never felt such pain.”

Nicky’s whole body began to shake, and the chair rumbled on the wood. Joe reached out to offer his love and support, and sadly wasn’t surprised, that Nicky pulled away, _“Don’t…_ please.”

“Okay, Nicky. Okay.”

A tear fell down Nicky’s cheek, and Joe, tempted to wipe it away, gripped the chair. His shattered heart broke even further, and all he wanted was to comfort his love.

“Please continue if you can.” Joe knew that sometimes to heal completely, the pain of our emotions demanded to be felt. But he wasn’t going to leave Nicky’s side, even if he couldn’t touch him physically. Mentally, he would offer what strength he had left.

Wiping his cheek, Nicky continued, “They wouldn’t let me near you, but they didn’t wheel you out either. I had to sit and stare at the love of my life, _dead…_ for days. Until one day, they suddenly took you. I don’t know what’s worse, staring at a lifeless body of the one you love or having that only connection to our love taken away completely.” He shook his head, “I’ll never know which is worse, but I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

Again, the anger blazing within Joe went deeply into his core to the point he wanted to scream from the rooftops as a warning he was coming. The pain they had caused Nicky was worse than he could have imagined, and they would see the wrath of the warrior that indeed was inside.

His love had endured enough to drive anyone mad. Those sadistic assholes had produced a fake body to resemble the one Nicky had loved most. There was no word for how disgusting humans could be, but this was a prime example of pure evil.

Nicky cleared his throat, even though it was starting to become too much for even Joe to handle. “By then, there was no meaning to anything anymore… I hate to admit I let go of our family and accepted I was a dead vessel. I even tried to refuse their food to the point of starvation, but they wouldn’t allow it. I was their broken rat, trapped in a deadly controlling cage. They pumped me full of fluids and foods while tying me tighter to the bed.”

Flexing his hands, Nicky wiggled his fingers. “My hands turned blue sometimes from the lack of blood flow. But the pain was good. It kept me grounded.” Joe had remembered his fingers in the flame; he had known this feeling all _too_ well. Perhaps they were still linked in their pain. “I wouldn’t say a word, nothing they wanted anyway. Even when injecting me with some foreign serum that made my woozy...” Nicky looked over at Joe again and stared into his eyes, “You would’ve been proud of me, I think.”

“I’m always proud of you, _habib albi.”_

But his love shook his head, “That didn’t last. They wheeled you back in, and you were deteriorating before my eyes.” Nicky all but gagged yet swallowed his emotions down. “That was when I finally talked to them. I let them in, Joe. I’m not sure how, but they knew about our love. They used it against me so that I would wilt like a flower without water or sunlight. I told them the things we had done and the things we had seen. _The story of our life._ I’m sorry about that; it didn’t belong to them.” Slow tears fell from Nicky’s eyes, and Joe could feel the emotion arise inside. He clasped his hands so tightly that he felt his bones crack. “I stopped talking after a while, _to their dismay,_ so they injected me more with the green serum. But I would never say another word. No matter what they did, they did a lot, too—they wanted _all_ of it, all of our information. Every piece of me, of us all. I went mute for a very long time. However, it was too late. What I had said, it was a betrayal to _us,_ and yet, I was thankful in a small way—it gave me my connection back to you... _I’m so sorry.”_

“Do _not_ be sorry, Nicolo. You have nothing to be sorry for, my love. They left you no choice. I’m only glad that it gave you a bit of comfort.”

“It hurt like nothing else.” Nicky replied in a dead voice, the one that had haunted Joe, “It didn’t matter though. I was dead, right beside your corpse.”

At last, it was quiet, and Nicky closed his eyes to put the walls back up. The wind blew the trees as they rustled; leaves landed at their feet.

Joe needed the courage to help try and piece his Nicky back together somehow. _“Habibi,_ I cannot fathom what you endured...it pains me more than I will ever be able to convey, for you are my other half, which you have always known...even before I did.” He took a deep breath, “But I am _not_ dead. _Sono qui con te._ Whatever that _thing_ was in that cold prison; it _wasn’t_ me. It was a concept to make you break. It wasn’t real— _I’m real._ I’m sitting here right next to you. They didn’t take me away from you; I’ve _always_ been with you.”

 _“But I didn’t know that!”_ Nicky yelled with wild eyes as he stood up quickly, the chair falling to the ground. The movement startled Joe; he became nonplussed. “For all I knew, you _had_ left this earth and didn’t take me with you! We made that promise to each other many times over. They did break me, Yusuf! _They did_ , can’t you see that?” He walked over to the railing and held his head over. Joe stood up quickly to make sure Nicky wasn’t going to throw himself over the ledge.

Taking a deep breath prickled with fear and anxiety, Joe asked what he hadn’t dared to ask before, “Which day did they show you my body, Nicky?”

Nicky gripped the bars and agony masked his face, “The third day.”

_Fuck._

Almost six months into captivity and the majority of it, Nicky thought Joe to be dead. It all clicked, making entirely, disgusting, sense as to where his love had disappeared too. Personal hell was where he was trapped, and they had tortured him most unimaginably. It was an attack of the heart to break him, which they knew was the only thing that mattered.

Finally, when Nicky spoke again, it was a hollow ache, “So now you see, I gave up, Joe. I gave up on living. When you were dead, I followed. I followed you like I always knew I would. But I was punished for my sins because you were not there. I no longer know what is real and what is not. So here I am, a shell of what I once was. I feel nothing, for I am drowning in a spiral of darkness. There’s _no_ light where I’m trapped.”

The agony was palpable, and Joe was exasperated. He would not let those bastards take what was offered to him a millennium ago. Nicky was _too_ damn good for this world, and Joe would be dammed if they dimmed that light forever. They wouldn’t win, _not this,_ never with this.

Joe walked closer to Nicky until he was standing right next to him. “They cannot take us away from each other. _Do you hear me?”_ In anger and anguish, he pressed on, fighting for all that was good, “I would never go without you. I made that promise to you a millennia ago, and I will make it again to you right now— _Ho promesso._ Our love will never fade into the abyss; we are together as it always has been and always will be. I am yours, and you are mine. _Sei una parte di me.”_

He felt Nicky’s body shaking in coldness and pain. Joe would do anything to save his love from this torture. “Let me be your light in the darkness, _habibi._ I am your light forever.”

Nicky then surprised him. His love leaned into him, and Joe took full advantage of this genuine gesture by gathering Nicky tightly in his arms.

_What a gift it was to breathe again fully._

He felt Nicky shake from the realization that this was real, and he held tighter. Joe would be strong for him— _for them._ He would be the breath in his lungs and the roots grounding him to the earth because Nicky was all those things for him. Nicky was his everything. “I am your light,” Joe repeated, feeling the warmth of Nicky’s breath tingling his neck.

“You are my light... _sei la mia luce,”_ Nicky said quietly as he finally returned the gesture and put his arms around Joe. His sobs of anguish were then released.

Joe never let go.

*******

The days passed to weeks. Every day Nicky was slowly becoming more of the Nicky they all knew and loved. But even then, Joe had accepted that a piece of that person he loved so deeply, might _always_ be missing. Joe understood it. If he had gone through what Nicky had been through, he would be the same if not worse.

Joe just prayed when death finally decided to take them, that it would take them both together.

Putting the mission on hold was necessary to heal. Yet, Joe so badly wanted to find anyone else responsible for abducting Nicky. He tried to just focus and be the rock for Nicky, but it was beyond difficult. People, no, _monsters,_ had hurt his Nicky, in the worst kinds of ways. He would _never_ be okay with that, as long as he lived. One day there would be retribution, by his hand—that was _his_ vow. 

Beyond that though, the team was growing back together, _even_ Booker. Some nights, Booker was who Joe went to when it all became _too_ much to bear. He was thankful for his friend again _and_ the stiff drinks.

But with the bad came the good as well.

On a Wednesday, Nicky looked over at him in the garden and smiled as he stroked the fur of a stray cat. _Was it possible to fall in love all over again?_ Because Joe, minding his own business, was falling as hard as the stones surrounding them. Nicky’s kind heart was overwhelming.

It was on a Friday night when they all were watching an old classic that Nicky had laughed alongside Booker so loud that it startled Nile, which resulted in a puzzling stare. _Old inside jokes._ Andy shook her head but gave Joe a look of relief. The two laughed until they were crying, bouncing with joy. It was music to listen to as the pleasure sifted into Joe’s body.

On Saturday, Joe and Nicky had read their books, as the rest of the house slept. Quietly on the couch together, without warning, Nicky had suddenly snuggled up close to him. The smell of Nicky so close, made Joe’s senses hum with love and desire as he put his arms around his loved one. The warmth Joe felt was that of his entire body and soul. Peace as he held Nicky in his arms as they slept.

But on Sunday, Joe’s life started again.

As he was writing into his journal at a small desk in their room, he felt Nicky’s fingertips glide across the bare skin of his back.

Joe looked up and smiled, “Good evening, Nico.”

Nicky smiled back in that beautiful way he did, “What are you up to in here, _amore mio?”_

“Oh, just writing about how much I love you. _So,_ the usual.”

“Feel free to publish the words, for I’m sure they’re as beautiful as you are.” Nicky tilted his head, taking Joe in as he looked him up-and-down with bright eyes. _“Sei bellissimo.”_

Joe laughed, “And they call _me_ the romantic? I’m not so sure when you say things like that.”

Nicky winked at him, and Joe’s heart started fluttering. “Read me some?”

Clearing his throat to ignore the nerves tickling his spine, Joe asked, “Are you sure?”

_“Per favore.”_

Not being able to deny his love of anything, Joe explained he had written this over many years, along with his drawings. Feeling vulnerable, Joe reads the poetic words of their memories from the pages. He shared words of their first _'I love yous,'_ which still took his breath away. The first time they had slept together in Malta. Their unforgettable fourth wedding celebration. The time Nicky had sung an original song to him in a pub in Dublin. How touched he was when Nicky had helped that child during World War II, showing just how kind he was even in the face of darkness.

The list went on. So many imprints were left upon Joe’s heart over their lifetime together.

When he looked up towards Nicky from the desk, his love had tears streaming down his face, “I’m sorry to upset you, _habibi.”_

“You didn’t upset me, Joe. The words are breathtaking, my sweetheart. _Thank you._ Seeing myself through your eyes is a special gift.” That's exactly what Nicky was to him, _a gift_ from the heavens. Joe had a hard time with his faith, but he would always be grateful for this man standing before him.

Nicky paused to look at the words and drawings in Joe’s journal. “Our life has been wonderful, hasn’t it? Even when the pain has intertwined.” Joe nodded and looked deeply into Nicky’s sea-glass eyes. His love sighed, “Now that you have spoken these eloquent words, I can wholeheartedly announce that _you_ are still forever the romantic _and..._ I’m beyond lucky to have you.”

Joe stood up and smiled as he held Nicky’s face in his hands, wiping a fallen tear. “You’ll _always_ have me, Nicolo.”

Nicky pushed his forehead onto Joe’s, and they sat there for a long moment. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

“You’re worth waiting for.” _That would always be the truth._

Closing the space between them, and knocking down the walls those monsters had put up, Nicky’s lips hovered over Joe’s; his warm breath on Joe’s skin, _“Baciami.”_ So Joe did just that and breathed him in for the first time in forever. Their lips were finally finding home within each other again.

Every kiss with Nicky thrilled him, but this one touched his heart. It was healing them both as their lips connected with movement. The yearning, the longing, the wishful hope he’d felt for months coming into fruition.

Nicky’s tongue licked against his lips, and Joe couldn’t help but moan as he opened up for his love. This moment was one of his dreams. Joe’s fingers moved into Nicky’s long hair, and he pulled gently, shivering from the slight scruff still left upon his lover’s chin.

Joe stopped briefly, not wanting to break the kiss but just enough to whisper, “You are _so_ beautiful, like the stars in the sky; you take my breath away.” His voice came out uneven. Nicky responded by deepening their kiss, capturing his tongue with his in a fluid motion.

He attempted to go slow for the sake of healing, but Nicky didn’t want it slow, not by the way he grabbed at Joe’s hair, pulling him in as if he cannot get enough. Their bodies glided across each other, feeling the want and desire. Joe understood this need well. He wanted Nicky to devour him to take everything. It had been so long— _too_ long.

The desire burned in his veins like no other as he grabbed Nicky tightly by the waist, pulling him against his hard length to express how much he wanted him. When Nicky moaned, Joe became undone. Touching each other was familiar; it defined them. It was their love language; the rhythm of their bodies—this dance once in the kills to fully worshiping one another. From this alone, they would be reborn in their healing. They _needed_ this.

“Make love to me, Yusuf,” Nicky moaned softly against his lips, his fingers raking down Joe’s chest. There was a yearning need to be filled—he could hear the desperation in Nicky’s voice and the way he nipped at his lips.

 _“Always,”_ he answered.

Joe took his time undressing his love, worshiping every inch of Nicky’s beautiful body with his hands and mouth. When their bodies finally merged as one, with sweat pouring down their skin, something different occurred. When Nicky experienced his sweet release and called out Joe’s name, he looked deep into Joe’s eyes—a look of wonder _and,_ more importantly, _peace_ at last.

Saying _“I love you”_ were the only words that mattered, and they told each other repeatedly as they held on tightly, vowing never to let go again.

His Nicky had come back to him at last and, with that return, mended his half heart as well.

That was the moment Joe finally cried.

**Author's Note:**

> **Translation:**
> 
> _Italian:_  
>  Sono qui con te = I am here with you  
> Sei una parte di me = you’re a part of me  
> Amore mio = my love  
> Non mi lasciare = don’t leave me  
> Sei bellissimo = you are beautiful  
> Per favore = please  
> Ho promesso= I promised  
> Sei la mia luce= you're my light  
> Baciami= kiss me  
>   
>  _Arabic:_  
>  Habib albi = my sweetheart  
> Habibi = my love 
> 
>   
> ***
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter, kudos and comments are always appreciated! Thank you so much!


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